One day I’m gonna apply for a job I don’t want but am way qualified for just so I can put some of you down as references. Expect I’m not gonna put your real names, I’m gonna put your screen names (I don’t call it a handle because that’s fucking gay).

So one day you’ll be at work and get a call ..

“Hello?”

“Hi. Can I speak to Ms. Titsandsass please?”

“This is her.”

“This is so & so from planet douche & we were calling because Sandy put you down as a reference.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I was wondering if you could tell us a little about her?”

“She likes to masturbate with finger puppets.”

“….”

“Anything else?”

And then we laugh and laugh & post finger puppets on tumblr.